Bi-polar

It all kicks off with a trigger...

No matter how small, it may seem,

So innocuous.

My blood it boils, my heart,

turns into dust.

Like the arrival of a new face, leaving feelings displaced.

Was I trying to replace,

Or simply erase,

The events of this waste that I began in haste?

Because it was all in vain.

So, now my heart is stained,

Head is strained,

But it’s not exactly the pain that’s driving me insane.

So, when did your feelings start to wane?

Only to be swapped with such disdain.

It puts me on the defense,

Which only leaves you on the fence,

Quite unsure what to do next,

Leading us to this current mess.

If it was all just a test,

Then WE failed, but I’m bereft,

Out of breath and completely out of my depth.

Yeah…

So this is what it all comes down to,

me hitting rock bottom and admitting I’m through,

with the promises I couldn’t keep.

That equal the number of nights I stay up and weep,

just tryin to cry myself to sleep.

Only to end up wide awake and drained of tears.

Shadows become manifestations of my fears,

that have hidden inside my closet for many, many years.

Every day's a let down, every night a curse.

And seeing your smile only makes it worse.

Cuz I’m not the one that put it there.

The final irony for which I was unprepared.

You're always finding a way to let me down,

you're so full of shit that your eyes turned brown.

But good things come to those who wait.

While ugliness fills the hearts of the fake.

but my ugliness will fade,

until one day it all but goes away.

And you'll be left with the emptiness,

a toxic reminder of all of this.

And after all that shit you put me through,

I want you to know.

I curse the day that I met you.

So even though,

I'm left here burned,

It's another lesson learned,

the next page turned,

one more day that I have earned.