Saturday, April 14, 2012

Something Like Happiness

This whole thing began,
with a conversation on a dimly lit screen.
I listened to your thoughts on love,
You goals and everything in between.
The sun is about to rise,
And I’ve not yet been to sleep.
But as I close my eyes I smile,
Knowing you’ll be in my dreams.
Chorus:
I love the sound of my name,
As it passes through your lips.
I start to ache for,
A gentle caress from you fingertips.
Just thinking of you,
Makes my heart beat like thunder.
Even though I don’t know where this’ll lead,
I can’t help but wonder.
End Chorus:
I awake with new feelings,
That’ve yet to be defined.
My thoughts return to you,
So sweet, loving and kind.
As I brave the world outside,
There’s a smile on my face.
I’ve got this new spark inside,
And I ain’t gonna let it go to waste.
Chorus: 1x.
If you’ll just take my hand,
We can leave the past behind.
You can fight off all your demons,
Knowing I’m there by your side.
Right now I’m not gonna worry,
About what might come from this.
All I know is that you make me feel,
Something like happiness.

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

A Surprise Visit.


(Knock knock)

Oh...hey.

No, it's not that, exactly. I just wasn't expecting you to drop by. It's been so long...

Yeah, I guess you can come in. Have a seat. How have you been?

Look, stop right there. I was just trying to be a good host, I don't really care.

Don't take the hostility so personally. I'm not really a fan of anyone these days.

(Silence)

So, what are you doing here?

You missed me?

Yeah, it is a little hard to believe. I hate when people say that to me. It's all I ever hear from anyone. "I miss you". But then they never call. Never stop by. Then, just when I get used to not having them around, to handling things on my own, that's when I'm missed. So take the longing or whatever you want to call it and shove it up your ass. I don't need it.

Don't bring that up. You have no right to talk about the good times. Not anymore.

Yeah, I do sometimes.

Well, I miss how it felt to be around you, when it was still good. I felt like there wasn't a thing in the world that could touch me. Turns out you could. It took me down hard. I'd give anything to feel invincible again.

It's fine, really. I am over it. Doesn't mean I wanna try to make a run with anyone else. I think that part of me is gone.

I don't know how to care anymore. I just feel so fucking numb and I don't know how to stop it. Don't look at me like that. It's really not as bleak as it sounds. I'd have to feel something to be depressed, right?

(click)

(exhale)

I did for awhile. Just started again last month. OK, what have been up to? I was an asshole earlier, I really would like to know.

Oh. Did he treat you alright?

I guess that's why you talked about him in the past tense. When did it end?

Wait. It just ended three days ago, and now you're here? What's this really about?

You've said that already. I didn't believe it then. You just miss being with someone. Especially someone who didn't do what the other guy did. Well, fuck you. I'm not picking up the pieces this time.

Oh, it's not? That's how we got together in the first place, remember? Some guy dumped you and I was the rebound that just stuck around long after your use for me was over. I'm not going through it again. I wish you the best of luck and all, but I want no part of it. It's probably best if you'd leave right now, it's going to take a long time for me to get over this again.

Yeah, I know. You never do.

Alright...one last time.

(an embrace)

(lips meet, tongues explore)

(faces linger an inch apart)

See? I don't feel a thing. Have a good night.

(slam)

Harbinger Ch. 10


We Interrupt This Broadcast
(Jerry)

Do you want to know the secret of a long lasting, happy marriage? The answer is really quite simple; it’s finding perfection in the banality of the day to day. Take tonight for instance. When I got off of my shift my wife and I cooked dinner together, talking of our days and ate at the table in relative silence. Afterwards, we cuddled up on the couch and watched hours of bad TV before retiring to bed.

Now, you may say that doesn’t seem like much, but it’s having this to come home to that gets me through the day. It’s what I live for. She’s sleeping soundly next to me and I smile. I lay on my back and take it all in. Her scent still hangs heavy in the air from when we made love hours ago. It intoxicates me. I lay on my back and listen to the rhythmic sounds of her breathing. This is the closest to heaven I ever want to be.

Despite that, however, there’s this nagging sense of dread that I can’t seem to shake. Something in the back of my mind is screaming for acknowledgement, but it’s impossible to define. It’s like chasing a white rabbit through a blizzard; I can only get a glimpse of it before it disappears again. Something bad has happened, but why can’t I remember it? My wife shifts at my side, her breathing becoming erratic.

Then the TV at the foot of our bed kicks on. On its screen rhere's an old, white man in a suit behind a news desk. There's absolutely nothing remarkable about him save for his hands. They are crimson and oozing all over the table. He smiles at me. Not to the camera. He smiles at me.

"Good Evening Jerry." The man in the TV says to me. He then looks to my right. "Mrs. Delange, you look absolutely radiant."

At my side, my wife lets out a giggle I've never heard before. I turn to look at her and I can only process what I see in fragments.

First, she's laying on her side with her back to me. The long auburn hair that should be resting past her shoulderblades is absent. This is because her head is turned 180 degrees and facing me. Her eyes are opened wide, painfully so because tears are flowing down her face. This a stark contrast to the smile stretching from one ear to the other. From the TV's glow I can see teeth wet with blood behind the cheshire grin.

"Hey, Jerry. Can I have your attention?" The TV man beckons my gaze back to him. His hands are stretched out, reaching for me and dripping gore. My wife begins laughing hysterically at my side.

"Now," the TV Man says. "Lady and gentleman..."

My wifes laughing becomes so loud I feel like my eardrums are about to burst.

"...I proudly present to you..."

I glance over at her, still facing me and still laughing. Blood begins to seep from her every pore. I look back at the TV.

"...The end of the world." The TV cuts off. I look outside and the sky erupts into flames.

I sit up lean to my left and throw my guts up into the trashcan by the bed. I'm back in the hotel room. Not at home. Rain beats down on the windows. No fire. I look to my right at the empty space next to me. I'm all alone.

It was just a dream. Just a bad, bad dream.

The angels are gone. I don't need to check my surroundings for them, I can simply feel their absence. The security and complacency I felt at their side is gone now. More urgent things suddenly come to mind. Like my wife.

I reach for the phone on the nightstand and punch in my wife's cell phone number. Straight to voicemail. I try the home phone. No luck. This isn't right. My partner's dead and I'm missing. There's no way she wouldn't answer. Something's wrong and I need to go home.

I get dressed and drink two glasses of water. I grab my gun and tuck it in the waistband of my pants and my last clip into the front pocket of my jeans. I place the knife Gabe gave me into my boot and I call a cab. I leave the angels a note that says "Fuck it" before I walk outside to wait for my ride in the rain.

Harbinger Ch. 9


A Very Rude Awakening
(Uriel)



It always starts out exactly the same way, with total darkness. I can't see anything, but the dins of war are overwhelming. Metal scrapes against metal. Thousands of wings rustle together in flight. Battle cries and screams of anguish can be heard from all directions. Then, there are the wet sounds of liquid splashing across the ground, always followed by a heavy weight. I open my eyes and gasp.

For millennia, we've lived in peace. There was never so much as a harsh word spoken between any of us. That's all over, now. After tonight nothing will ever be the same again. The fighting stretches far beyond my eye's capabilities to follow. The sky fills with the sounds of heavy sobs.

Father is crying.

Something heavy strikes my right temple, sending me to the ground. I drop my sword and my assailant kicks it away before I get a chance to retrieve it. My head is filled with a blinding white light that makes it impossible to see who is standing above me.

"Do you want to live?" The voice asks. It's him.

My vision kicks back in. His blonde hair flows in the wind behind him. His light blue eyes gleam with hatred. His golden armor and perfect face are stained in red. The point of his sword is at my throat. He started all of this.

The Morning Star.

"I'm only going to ask you this once more, Uriel." He says. "Do you want to live?"

"Yes." is all I can say.

"Then denounce Him."

I was more than thankful for the thunder that brought me out of my nightmare. We have them every night to serve as a reminder. I sit up in my bed that's soaked in sweat and wipe the sleep from my eyes. The glowing red numbers on the alarm clock read 9:17 pm. Just as well, I needed to get up anyways.

I stand up, stretching my arms and wings as I make my way to the window. The rain is coming down hard. It mixes with discarded motor oil before it reaches the storm drains. It's getting to the point that I can't even remember what this world was like before it became sick, back when it was still clean and untouched. Before men.

A harvest moon hangs in the sky, never a good sign. My cell phone rings and I answer it. Gabriel's on the other end.

"Uriel?" He sounded panicked. He never gets that way. Another bad sign.

"Yeah?"

"There's been another attack. Man, they're getting more brazen."

"Calm down. What happened?"

"They got a convenience store this time. 9 people were inside when it went up."

"What kind of demon was it?"

"No. That's just it. It wasn’t a demon. It was..." his voice cracked, " the Fallen, man. They're here."

"That's impossible. They're not allowed to come up."

"Yeah, well, apparently things have changed. We saw them and they blew us all to hell."

"Them? How many were there? And do we know which ones?"

"There were two of them, Naomhan and Alya.."

"This is insane. First the cop and now this? What's going on, Gabe?"

“I don't know. Something bad is coming. Can you meet us at the usual place?" He sounds like he's on the verge of tears.

"Yeah. I'll be there in thirty minutes."

I hang up the phone, get dressed, grab my weapons and I’m out the door in five.

Harbinger Ch. 8


 Of Broken Rules And Shaken Faith



“You’re really quiet, Gabe. What are you thinking about?” Michael asks after almost an hour of driving in silence. Gabe sits in the driver seat with his right hand on the wheel, while he bites the thumb nail on his left hand. He only does this when he’s worried. Michael lets the question hang in the air for a couple of minutes before he presses further. “Come on, man. Talk to me.”

“I had a conversation with Jerry earlier.”

“Yeah, what about?”

“He just asked the questions any other human in his situation would.” He replies after spitting a piece of nail out the open window.

“And what’d you tell him?”

“I answered them to the best of my ability. It’s funny…”

“What is?”

“Just fifty years ago I could have answered them all and be sure of what I told him. Now it’s all changed. I’m starting to feel like I don’t know anything at all.”

“It’s not like that, Gabe and you know it.”

“Oh, it isn’t?” He takes his eyes off the road to stare at his partner for a few beats. “We’ve been down here off and on since, what, the beginning of time? How can you look me in the eye right now and tell me it’s the same? The last forty-eight hours alone should have opened your eyes.

“You just need to have faith.” Michael says in the softest tone he can muster through gritted teeth.

“And you need to be realistic.” He hides his anger with nervous laughter. “I guess there really is such a thing as blind faith. You need to look at the facts. This has gone far past what it all used to be. See, it used to be just a contest of influences between us and them, more or less. Now they’re turning it into a full blown war. Humans have gone from chess pieces to casualties of a fight they have no place in. Jerry’s life is over now just because he walked into the wrong house.”

“It's not as bleak as you're making it out to be.”

“That's because you're assuming that we're all still following the old rules when, really, it's just us. That's why we got caught with our pants down.

They've got Belith running around killing people. Why? Because they're not scared of us anymore. You didn't fight him, I did and he took me down like I was nothing.”

“So that's what this about, isn't it? You lost a fight and you don't know how to cope with it.”

“You're damn right! Belith is only they're second string. How do you think we're gonna do when they bring out the real heavy hitters?”

“It's impossible. They can't come up here.”

“And humans can't see us for what we are either, right?”

“I'm trying real hard to be positive here, Gabriel. So I'd really appreciate it if you'd...” Their hood catching on fire cuts Michael off in mid sentence.

“Beatrice!” Gabe screams as he slams on the breaks and jumps out of the car. He takes off his jacket and proceeds to swat at the flames. “It's gonna be alright, girl. Stay with me.” He puts the flames out in seconds, with only some minor damage. “Oh, man...just look at her.”

“Would you stop worrying about your fucking primer and look at this?” Michael screams in panic as he points to the gas station across the street.

“So, you believe me now don't you?” Gabe says as he joins Michael's side, where two figures stand on the roof of the gas station.

The first is a woman, who is strikingly beautiful if you look at her at the right angle. Otherwise, she's just striking. Her brilliant red hair is flowing in some places, singed patches in others, while scar tissue fills the gaps between the two. Her nose had been melted off, with burns covering the top of her face on the left side. The left eye milky white, the blindness being a result of the trauma she had experienced. Her right harm nothing but burned flesh which ended in a ball of fire engulfing the hand. Her left arm remained unharmed and carries an extravagant golden shield. She once had wings, but now there is nothing but a few bones jutting from her shoulder blades covered sparsely with blackened feathers. The flowing gown she wears covers up any horrors that may lie beneath.

Her companion is a male about a foot and a half shorter than her, putting him just under five. His body horribly emaciated, making the baggy pants he wears hang off of him even more. Nothing covers his torso, revealing crisscross patterns of cuts that cover most of his bare flesh. His eyes have no lids and an endless stream of tears flow from them. The expression on his face is enough to break your heart. Sticking out of his back are two, long reeds. They both just stare at the angels in silence.

“It's the fallen...” Michael can only gasp.

“What do we do now?” Gabe asks, desperate for some kind of plan.

“I...I don't know.”

It's hard to tell how long this silence lasts, but it makes Gabe uncomfortable. “Hey, Alya!” he yells across the street, pretending to ignore the glare Michael is shooting at him. “There's something I've been wondering for a long time.”

Alya's body remains stoic.

“Did it hurt?”

Her eyes sharpen with malice.

“I'm serious, did it hurt? You know, when you fell from heaven?”

Her right arm raises, making her grimace in pain. The ball of fire engulfing her hand grows larger. Once it reaches the size of a basketball she hurls it in their direction, but it's going to come up short.

“She's a terrible shot.” Gabriel chuckles.

“She's not aiming for us, she's going for...” The ball of flame collides with the gas tanks 20 feet from them. The whole station goes up in one massive fire ball, the concussive blast sending Micheal slamming into the rear door on the driver side of their car and Gabe goes sailing through a store front window. Then nothing except for the sound of a few dozen car alarms.

When Michael finally manages to stand and look at the flaming store, there are no sign of their attackers.

“This sucks.” Gabriel says as he climbs out of the store, wiping glass out of his hair.

“You were right, Gabe. Things have gotten bad and we never even saw it coming.”

“Yeah...I don't wanna play anymore.”

Harbinger Ch. 7


One for the Road



“Why do we do the things we do? Does anyone know what it is that drives us, the true motivations behind our actions? I know most people don't tend to give into their more...animalistic urges. The majority of them have a conscience that helps them stay in line which, unfortunately for you, is something I've always lacked. Are they just better at keeping their demons at bay? Oh...don't worry. These are all rhetorical questions, I'm not expecting you to answer through all that duct tape.” Cade tells the young woman he has bound and gagged in the bathtub of his basement. Then as an afterthought, “I guess you'd need your tongue too, huh?”

At one point she had been beautiful, but the months of torture she has been put through have reduced her to nothing more than 120 pounds of meat. The irony of it taking some psycho cutting an extra 18 pounds off of her to finally reach her dream weight is lost completely. It's gotten to the point where she's starting to forget that she once had a life outside of these walls. Everyday a little more of her humanity is stripped away, leaving only pain and the desire for him to just finish what he’s started.

Cade has been doing this for a long time and he's gotten it down to a science. He acquires two victims a year. He sometimes goes shopping in other states to keep the disappearances from appearing to be related. Thousands of people vanish without a trace, what are two more a year?

When he gets them pack to his place he shaves them completely, giving him a clean canvas to do his work. He spends days with them; cutting, burning, removing parts, whatever pops into his head at the time. He will then patch them up using information he obtained from old medical journals, yielding sloppy results. They're given a few weeks to heal before the whole process starts over. This will usually last for a full six months, but he's growing tired of so much time with one victim.

Which brings us to the now. After he received that note this morning, everything changed. He stayed home all day, not sure what to do next. He paced back and forth for hours, growing increasingly impatient for his instructions. Then, he received another letter through the mail slot just before noon. Her read over it a dozen times, called his boss to tell him he quit, withdrew all the money in his bank account, rented a car and came home. Ever since then, he's been sitting with his guest in silence. When he does speak it's not directly to her, but not just to himself either.

“I have to say, I am a little disappointed. I was expecting another gift like the one the first came with. A letter through the mail slot is just kind of...anti-climatic. I'm almost hesitant to go through with this, but they're going to turn me in if I don't. Way I see it, might as well have some fun since I’ve really no other choice. Just thinking about it all makes every nerve in my body tingle at the possibilities.

My life here is over. Once I leave this house I can't come back. For the first time I’m not really sure what the future holds. That means I've got to put everything here to rest. I'm very sorry to tell you, that you're one of the things I've got to leave behind. I do want you to know how much I've enjoyed our time together. So much so, I've decided to do the right thing by you and not cause you anymore harm. You should be dead of natural causes in a few days.” He stands up and makes his way to the door. Just before he crosses the threshold, he stops to face his guest. “Goodbye, sweetheart and if anyone calls, tell them I'll be in Columbus.”

Harbinger Ch. 6


Inquiring Minds
(Jerry)

They took me to their place, a run down motel deep in the Bottoms. When I asked Uriel why they didn't pick a better neighborhood, he told me they were more needed in places like this. By all reasonable accounts of logic I should be freaking out right now; jumping at the door and trying to make my escape. But I'm not. I've been missing for almost sixteen hours now, my wife and everyone else on the force are probably going crazy wondering where the hell I am. That should bother me. I find myself more at peace than I've ever been before. Being around them does that to you. This must be what the faithful feel every Sunday in church.

We got to their rooms just before sun rise. I took a shower, borrowed some of Michael's clothes and crashed until late in the evening. I stretch before going out on the patio to watch the sun set over the Columbus skyline. Gabriel joins me a few minutes later, carrying two beers.

“Hey, want one?” He asks, offering the one in his right hand. I take it gratefully.

“I didn't think you were allowed to drink.”

“Why would you think that?”

“Well, you're a creature of God aren't you?”

“Yeah, but so are your kind. And you guys are into all sorts of heinous shit.”

“Never thought of it like that.”

“The thing that you need to keep in mind is that most of the rules the bible and modern churches follow were written by men and we know how that usually turns out. Listen, you want to know what the real golden rules are? The best ways to get home?”

“It would make things a lot easier.”

“With the exception of taking his name in vain, Father doesn't really care about what language you use. They're just words. He also understands what it's like being in your bodies; he designed them after all, so he knows you have urges and all that. Premarital sex doesn't bother him so much as long as there is love involved and you're not whoring yourself out for ham sandwiches. But the most important things to keep in mind are to love Him with all your heart and try to help more people than you fuck over.”

“That's it?”

“That's it.”

“Huh...So what about you guys then? You don't seem a whole lot different from us.”

“Well, I'm not. As far as personality is concerned. We were kind of like His practice dummies, his trial runs before He stopped with humans.”

“What do you mean?” I ask him as I take a swig.

“Uriel was the first being Father created and was done so without a lot of major emotions,”

“I've noticed.”

“He can feel love for our Father and, to a very small extent, every other creature. He was made this way so that he wouldn't get distracted from his devotion to Him. He was made just to serve. As more and more of us were created, Father became increasingly lax and we evolved as a result. I'm the second youngest. That's why I am the way that I am.”

“And who is the youngest.” This question makes him close his eyes and his face contorts with pain.

“The Morning Star.” The three words are full of pain and sadness.

Sensing how hard it must be to talk about this; I change the subject. “So then what are you doing on Earth? Don't you belong in Heaven?”

“Technically, angels don't belong anywhere. We can go where we want. So can demons. There are hundreds of them on Earth getting into all sorts of shenanigans. That's where we come in.”

“So, you're like some divine police officer.”

He chuckles. “I like to think of us as a combination of Men in Black and Constantine, personally. We'll spend a few weeks in a town, patrolling every night, move on and start it all over again.”

“How long have you been doing this?”

“What's this, June?” He starts counting on his fingers. “1,700 years, 6 months, 14 weeks, and nine days. Wow...I need a fuckin vacation.”

“So, are you going to take me with you tonight when you guys go out?”

“No, it's too dangerous for you. Uriel is going to stay here tonight. But, listen...” He reaches behind him and pulls a dagger out of his boot. It's about 8 inches in length and there are funny stains on the silver blade. Everything else about it is unremarkable. “There is going to be a time when you're going to have to fight. It's inevitable now. This will give you a chance.”

“Thanks.” I just sit and stare at it, unable to shake a sudden ominous feeling.

“Ok, I have a question for you now.”

“Shoot.”

“Um...” He starts to blush, like he's too embarrassed to ask it. “What's sex like?”

Harbinger Ch. 5


The Sadist’s Epistle
Halfway across the country



It’s 10 o’clock at night. He should have been home three hours ago, but his boss wouldn’t let him leave until he finished the Gillespie account. This caused him to miss his bus and now he has to wait another hour for the next one. Last time he checked, public transportation was supposed to be a convenience, but in practice it just proves to be a giant pain in the ass.

His ride finally arrives and he pays the fare before sitting down. The bus is surprisingly full for this time of night. A couple of teenagers in the back are playing music from a boom box at an annoyingly high volume. The person two seats behind him is coughing her lungs up and it makes him wonder what he’s going to catch on the ride home. He looks at all the other passengers that occupy the bus with him. Their collected scents hang thick in the air and it makes him nauseous. He hates all of them.

Twenty minutes later, he is finally dropped off at his stop and left to enjoy the five minute walk to his house, alone. The night air cools him and it helps to cleanse his nostrils of the vermin’s scent. Before he knows it, he’s already at his front door. He looks back over his shoulder as he works the key in the lock and lets himself inside.

He sits his bag and keys down on the table by the door and then goes into the kitchen to grab a beer. He opens it, chugs it and grabs another before going to sit in the living room. He turns on the TV and begins to get comfortable. The long day had made him even more tired than he initially thought, because he falls asleep to the sounds of the local news in less than three minutes.
………..
The sun shining through the living room window stings his eyes. He smacks his lips and tries his best to alleviate the cotton mouth he had acquired during his slumber. He stands up and winces, because his back aches from sleeping upright in his recliner for the entire night. It’s at this point he notices that the TV set is turned off.

‘That’s odd,’ He thinks to himself. ‘I could’ve sworn I had left it on.” He shrugs it off before going to the kitchen to cook himself some breakfast.

He opens the fridge and gets out a carton of eggs and orange juice. He shuts the door and glances at the kitchen table. His spine runs cold. Now sitting on its polished, wooden surface is the head of a young woman. Resting in her mouth is an envelope. Someone had broken in and put it there while he was sleeping.

He slowly walks toward it, his hands shaking. When he gets about five feet away he breathes a sigh of relief. The head’s fake. Whoever made it did a fantastic job, though. The woman actually looks just like her. He reaches into its mouth and pulls out the envelope. The letter inside reads:

Mr. Cade,

You are an artist and your talents should be shared with the world. Aren’t you tired of hiding your true self? Dressing in a suit and parading around in front of all those people you despise?
You see, we know who you are. Better than that, we know what you are and we know where you hide your bodies. We have a proposition for you.

Four nights from now, hundreds of those like you will congregate in certain cities around the world for one evening to do what they do best. This isn’t a game, there are no prizes and your life will very likely be finished after it’s over in one fashion or another. However, you will finally be able to feed the hunger you’ve suppressed for so long without the fear of legal consequences. Within the next twenty four hours, you will receive all the information you need. We’ll be in touch.

Ps. If you don’t participate, we are going to the police with all the evidence we have against you.
And no, we’re not fucking around. Just something to keep in mind.

He read it three times before putting it down. He knew he should be furious, but this was just too intriguing. A whole night to indulge what he’s been forced to conceal for his entire adult life? He smiled just thinking about the possibilities. He then looked at the severed head on the table. They even modeled it after the woman he has locked in his basement at this very moment. Definitely a nice touch.

Harbinger Ch. 4


“Winging” it
(Jerry)

I feel dizzy and nauseous, like I'm on the verge of throwing up. I'm sitting in the backseat of a car that I don't recognize with no idea how I got here.

Ok, focus. You were almost off when you got a call, so you and Dalton...it's all coming back and I start to panic. There are voices coming from outside the car.

"Wait, hold on a second. What do you mean we're taking him with us? Have you lost your mind?" An angry voice screams from outside the car.

"Gabriel, calm down. I admit this situation has gotten out of hand, but we don't have a choice." The second one is much calmer. "He knows what we are." Everything goes quiet.

Suddenly, a kid with shaggy blonde hair is looking through the window at me. It's a few seconds before he breaks the awkward silence.

"Well, couldn't you have at least hosed him off first? I mean, look at him. He's covered in blood! And...and is that vomit? There's vomit all over my fucking interior! That's going to take forever to get out."

"We need to go, now." A third voice chimes in. "We're kinda exposed out here."

"I'm not getting in there with him. He's gotta smell terrible."

Ten minutes later, the four of us are driving in silence. My three companions look to be in their late teens or early twenties. The blonde one is driving, gripping the steering wheel tightly and just shaking his head. The one that I had met back in the room is sitting up front. The wings I thought I had seen are now absent. I pray they were just a hallucination. The one sitting next to me is hanging his head out of the window, smiling serenely. All of their features are perfect; not a blemish, birthmark, or scar on any of them. Just... flawless. They radiate a light that can't be seen, but you can feel that it's there. It's a hard thing to describe.

"I guess you're wondering who we are." The kid riding shotgun says to me. "My name is Uriel," he points to the driver, "this is Gabriel..."

"Charmed." Gabriel spits out through gritted teeth.

"and sitting beside you is Michael."

Michael doesn't respond, he's clearly in his own world.

“Yeah, hi.” I say dismissively. “I”m officer Jerry Delange. Do you have any idea what that means? You just kidnapped a cop. I should be arresting you right now.”

“Ha!” Gabriel mocks. “You can try!”

“I'm sorry, but it had to be done.” Uriel's tone never changes. There's never any inflection...it's all just a matter of fact with him. “Now, what do you remember about what happened inside the house?”

“My partner and I were on a routine call. When we got there we were too late to help the woman who lived there. This...thing killed her and then it got my partner.”

“His name was Belith. He's a very high ranking demon. You're actually lucky to be alive right now.” Michael adds from outside the window.

Uriel swallows hard. “Do you remember what you asked me back in the room?” “I asked you if you were angel. I thought I saw wings. I was hysterical.”

“You weren't hysterical.” Uriel tells me, but it doesn’t make me feel any better.

“Wait, you said that you “had” seen them. Does that mean you don't anymore?” Michael asks.

“No, should I?”

“Well, no. None of your kind should. That's the point.” Gabriel adds from the driver seat.

“What do you mean, “my kind”? You're?”

“Yes, Jerry.” Uriel pauses as if trying to think of a delicate way to say what’s coming next. “And you knowing that complicates things quite a bit.”

“Look, I don't care, ok? I just want to go home.” My voice quickly becoming more panicked.

“We can't let you go now.” Uriel tells me.

“I want to see my wife.” I try my best to sound forceful and intimidating.

“I told you earlier that you weren't dead, but that's only half true. The life that you once led is over. You're a loose end as far as Hell is concerned. Ours too, quite frankly. You've seen too much and they're going to be looking for you. With us, you're safe. If you were to go back home now, they'd follow you and slaughter anyone you care about right in front of your eyes. Then they would torture you in ways you can’t even imagine before finishing the job.”

“So...what, I just ride around with you until they eventually get to me?”

“Or we can think of something better.” Michael laughs, trying to lighten the mood. “We're kinda making this all up as we go along.”

“Think of it this way, stinky,” Gabriel adds, “you just entered Heaven’s witness protection program.”

Harbinger Ch. 3


Commination
(Uriel)

Everything in the room is covered in blood. There are three bodies: one civilian and two cops. They didn't even have a chance. The woman was with child, but Belith had torn the baby from her womb. One officer is lying on his back, his throat gone. The other is curled in the fetal position. Wait a second...there's a whimper that's barely audible. He's still alive and, from the sound of it, bordering on hysteria. I rush over to his side to assess the damage.

“Officer, can you hear me?” He doesn't even acknowledge my presence. “I need to know if you're OK.” His eyes dart all over the room before they finally meet mine. His mouth gapes and his eyes now go wide.

“You're...you're an angel, aren't you?” He asks.

This just got interesting.

“What are you talking about?” I'm tying to do my best to hide the shock.

“You have wings. I can see them. They shine.” His face contorts with sadness. “Does this mean I'm dead? Am I in heaven?”

“No, you're still alive. Just take it easy. You're safe, now.”

He nods before he passes out again. This hasn't happened in over a thousand years and doesn't bode well with me. It's supposed to be the other way around; they're not supposed to see through us. This really isn't good, now we've got to take him with us.
.......................
“I forgot how fast this guy was.” Gabriel says to himself.

Belith is about fifty yards in front of him, but he's closing the gap more and more with each passing second. Michael is nowhere to be found. He hates to try and attack his opponent alone, but at the same time he can't let him get away. They've come too far to let him get away now.

Gabriel flaps his wings harder and harder as Belith leaps from trees to houses. He can hear the demon's laughter and taunts, which only adds to his determination. 40 feet. 30. 20. 10. Almost there.

Gabe brings his sword over his head to lay the first strike. Without warning, Belith turns around in mid air and grabs him by the face. With his free hand he grabs the angel's right wing and snaps the bone, sending them both to the street below. Gabriel screams in pain as his opponent rolls them over and uses him to break their fall.

Still clutching his face, Belith slams his head over and over into the concrete. The cement starts to crack from the impacts and Gabriel comes dangerously close to passing out.

“Don't fade out on me yet, boy. I want you to stay awake while I bust your Goddamn head open!” Belith screams.

Gabe winces. Those words hurt more than the physical injuries. His skull cracks loudly and the demon's enthusiasm increases. His sinuses are starting to fill with blood.

It happened so fast he could barely register the movement. All he knew is that the demon was no longer on top of him. He looks to his left to see him lying on the ground with Michael walking towards him.

“Took you long enough!” He yells at his partner.

“You're the one that always runs into battle half-cocked. Now, am I gonna have to do this by myself? Get up and fight!”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. My brain's just leaking out of my skull, but I'm fine, thanks for asking.” Gabe says as he gets up, retrieves his sword and goes to stand next to Michael.

Belith is laughing as he stands up to face them. “Gabriel and Michael...been a long time.” He tilts his head until his neck cracks. “How's the pops? Still sitting in his ivory tower with that self righteous stick up his ass?”

“Don't.” Is all Michael can spit out.

“What? Strike a nerve?” The demon asks with a smile. He then claps his hands together. “Well, as fun as sitting here fighting you two sounds, I should get going. There are big plans that I really must attend to.” And then he's just gone.

“Huh...what do you think he met by that?” Gabriel asks his friend.

“Who the hell knows. Come on. We better go back.” Michael says right before flying back towards their car and partner.

“Yeah, I just hope Uriel is having a better night than we are.”

Harbinger Chapter 2


Smells like teen...trouble.
(Uriel)

The trail ran cold three days ago. The traveling makes me weary and the lack of activity makes me itch. You'd be amazed how quickly the hunt gets old. Tonight is just like last night, which is just like the week, month, and years before it. I can't remember the last time I saw home and being away makes me ache. Once this job is done we'll just move on to the next. Nothing ever changes.
Michael is in the backseat hanging his head out of the window. He always says he feels more at peace with the wind in his face.

Gabriel is driving, paying more attention to flipping between radio stations than the actual road itself. We barely hear more than five seconds of any song before he cycles onto the next. It's giving me a headache. Finally, he comes to a stop on “Heart Shaped Box” by Nirvana.

“Oh, hell yeah!” He exclaims as he sits back in his seat.

“Can't we listen to something else?” Michael complains behind us. This is gonna get ugly.

“What did you just say?” Gabriel questions Michael through the rearview mirror. He takes his music way too seriously.

“Change it, man. I hate this band.” I watch the exchange go back and forth like a tennis match.

“How dare you speak ill of Nirvana! Do you have any idea how much of an impact these guys have had? They're this generation's Beatles.”

“Oh, please. The Beatles had talent, stood the test of time and you can actually understand what they're saying. Nirvana was just another band lifted from obscurity by tragedy.”

“Cobain was a lyrical genius.”

“No, Kurt was a martyr that all the little pissed off kids out there could pass off as their own voice. Now his image is nothing more than a T-shirt that's used as rebellion through conformity.”

“Fuck, that. He was a...”

“Watch yourself, Gabe. Isn't there a rule against holding false idols?” I ask him.

“Sorry, Uriel. You just have to keep in mind...” This is where I just stop listening.
He's close. I can sense him. So can the others, because they're not talking anymore. Gabe takes a left on Fulton, a small residential street. As soon as we do, my nose fills with the scent of blood. He's here and we're already too late.

We drive by a two story house just as a window on the top floor explodes, sending glass and debris into the yard below. A silver mass flies out of it and disappears into the night. It's Belith. This is worse than I first thought.

Gabe slams on the breaks, grabs his sword from the backseat and climbs out of the car.

“Time to go to work.” Michael says before joining Gabe outside. I grab my sword and follow.

“You two go after him.” I order them. “I'm going to check the house for survivors.”
Gabe unsheathes his sword and spreads his brown wings. “For Kurt!” He screams as he flies off in pursuit.

“Make sure you look after him. You know how he can get.”

 Michael nods and follows our partner into the darkness. They're going after a demon of the first hierarchy. As I watch them go I pray I'll get to see them again.

Harbinger Ch. 1


Anything but Routine
(Jerry)

Have you ever seen an angel? I’m not referring to the false idols from movie screens and music videos we’ve grown so fond of putting up on pedestals. No, I'm talking about the sent from heaven, full wingspan type. You know… the genuine article. I'll never forget the first time I did. I was curled up into a ball on the floor of the dead woman's room soaked in blood and vomit. The blood was hers, the vomit mine. He looked to be in his mid-twenties, the type you wouldn’t look twice at on the street. The only thing that really caught my attention was his face. He looked hardened, but at the same time vulnerable with a touch of innocence that should have been lost long since childhood. Oh, and he had this stare. It penetrated you to your core, as if he could see directly into your soul. It chilled me.

It's funny how things work out sometimes. Well, maybe funny's not the right word, let's go with odd. Sorry, you'll have to forgive my inability to focus. I've lost a lot of blood and I'm not sure how much longer I've got. In my last moments I keep finding my mind drifting back to that night. If another car answered that call, I wouldn't be here now and I'd still remain blissfully ignorant of the horrors just over the horizon. And to think, I was almost home...

........................

“...and she actually expects me to let her stay with us! I mean, can you imagine a whole week with her mother? I swear, I was actually hoping I'd get shot tonight so that I wouldn't have to deal with this shit.”

My partner's been bitching about his mother in law for the last three hours now. I don't think I've said more than three words the whole time. Luckily, our shift's almost over and we're less than halfway back to the station. This job has been taking its toll on me and I've started getting burnt out. It's gotten to where I can't wait to take this badge off. But, 45 minutes from now, I'll be warm in my bed next to my wife watching bad reality TV. That thought always makes even the worst days seem OK. I'm already feeling warm and fuzzy inside.

“Car 67, car 67. Pick up.” It was Alex, our dispatcher and my soon to be least favorite person on the planet.

“This is Dalton, go ahead.” My partner answers.

“We've just got a call for a possible domestic disturbance. A neighbor said she heard weird sounds coming from the house next door. It's close to your area, can you check it out?”

“Oh, yeah. Sure thing.” Apparently, my partner isn't in nearly as big a hurry to get home as I am.
She gives us the address and we arrive at the house in less than two minutes. We find ourselves parked in front of a modest two story home that sits on a quiet suburban street. The only light in the entire place is coming from a television set in one of the rooms on the top floor.

“Let's just get this over with.” I mutter as I climb out of the cruiser.

Dalton makes his way to the front door and I decide to check out the rest. The door to back gate is lying off its hinges and I begin to get a very bad feeling. I follow the stone path that leads to the backyard. It's a typical setup, it’s got the grill, doghouse and some lawn furniture. I take one more step forward and almost slip on something slick in the grass. I pull out my flashlight, turn it on and aim the beam towards my feet.

“Oh, shit.” That's a lot of blood.

I follow its trail with my flashlight until I find the source, a medium size dog. I can't tell which breed, because in order to do that I'd need to see the head. Its stomach had also been ripped to shreds, the contents leaking out everywhere. The assailant, like the head, is nowhere to be found.
I aim the light back at the house and discover that the sliding glass door is shattered. Whoever did this was already inside. I unclip my holster and get my weapon at the ready.

“No one's answering the front door. Ready to...” Dalton starts to say as he enters the backyard. His face grows white as he puts all the pieces together for himself.

I put a finger up to my mouth, signaling for him to stay quiet and he pulls his weapon out of its holster. Silently, we make our way to the back door with me taking point. We step through the broken glass and I see the dog's head lying on the floor six feet in front of me. There's movement in one of the rooms above us. Heavy footsteps. Then, a muffled cry. We have to move, now.

Abandoning all sense of reason I fly through the kitchen and find the stairs. My partner doesn't even reach the foot of them when I clear the top. The second door on my left has a faint light drifting underneath it, making it easier to see the growing stain on the carpet.

“What the fuck are you doing, tearing off like that? Jesus, Jerry, that's how you get yourself killed.” My partner scolds me in a whisper. Then his eyes find the stain I've been staring at.

I take the left side of the door, he takes the right. Dalton bangs on the door and yells to whoever's inside. “This is the police. We're coming in. If you have any weapons or hostages, it'd be really smart if you'd relinquish them now.”

Something inside the room is laughing and I've never heard anything like it. It's guttural...and wet. My partner and I look at each other and he nods. He moves to the front of the door and kicks it. Once. Twice. Three times gives us entry and he steps inside. I follow quickly behind him and stop dead. I look around and my mind splinters.

The TV is showing only static. There's blood on the ceiling. The mattress. Walls. Everything. I didn't know the human body held that much. Resting on the bed is a woman and she's long since passed. Her face is covered in lacerations, her blouse has been ripped off and her stomach is hollowed out. Before this attack, she had been pregnant. My heart breaks. That's when my focus switches to...it.

It's covered in silver scales that reflect back the light from the TV. It's wearing a tapestry of human skin for clothing. The creature's eyes radiate a pale green light. The mouth opens and closes, revealing a set of teeth which are full of gore. Its fingertips don't reveal talons, meaning it used brute force to pull apart its victims. They also hold the remains of a still born child. The creature takes it up to its mouth and swallows the rest whole.

“Mmmmm…Jesus loves the little children.” It sings through its wicked smile.

“Mother of God.” I gasp.

“You can go ahead and save your prayers.” The creature says as it licks its lips. It then looks up and stares me dead in the eyes. “God’s not here.”

I didn't even see it move. In less than a blink, I'm knocked onto the floor and my partner is getting his throat ripped out. How can it be that fast? My partner is dead before he hits the floor and the monster's heading my way. Instinctively, I pull up my gun and empty the clip point blank into its chest and face, but the bullets just ricochet off without penetrating the scales. What the hell is this thing?

And then it’s on top of me and I’m taken to the ground. The creature sits crouched on my chest and it cradles my head in its hands gently and its head tilts, regarding me. Then, it smiles again as it raises a fist to deliver the first blow. I close my eyes, waiting for an impact that never comes. When I open them again the monster is frozen in place and looking towards the window, listening intently.

“Well,” it says mockingly as its head turns so it can look me into the eyes, “that was a lot of fun.
We'll have to do it again sometime, soon.”

Suddenly, the window behind it shatters outward and the monster gets sucked through it, disappearing into the night.

I can't control my breathing and I think my heart is about to burst. I start to cycle between crying and fits of vomiting. This is the last thing I remember before blacking out.

These Ulcerating Truths


In the beginning she always told me I was perfect. If I was honest, like she always begged me to be, I'd have told her being faultless is exhausting and the real me was beginning to show through the cracks of this facade I was no longer able to keep intact. Unfortunately, I've never been heartless enough to be forthright and share these ulcerating truths. Lying is the only noble act I can ever seem to manage.

Before I go any further, there are a few things you should probably know.
1. I am not a good person.
2. I am a coward.
3. It doesn't take long to realize, "I'm sorry", are just words and they lose the power to mend wounds or broken trust.

None of this is easy for me. Right now, I'm watching her sleep and I know I'll never stop loving her. When things are good we shine, but those moments are growing infrequent and lacking in sincerity. I've fought myself on this for months and it's become the second battle I've no hope of winning. Without telling her, I've been putting all of my extra cash into a separate savings account. I write a check for half of it and place it into an envelope on my pillow. This will pay for my share of the bills until our lease is up in two months so finances won't be added to all the heartache I'm about to put her through.

After dressing in the dark I kneel down by her side and stroke her hair. The only time I'm allowed to do this is when she's asleep and I look past the tragedy of the moment in order to smile in its beauty.

"I love you more than anything." I whisper into deaf ears. "I just wish loving you was easier than leaving." Then I kiss her forehead and nothing else registers until I hear the sound of the deadbolt and I'm walking to my car, which is already packed and ready for my retreat.

Once behind the wheel, with the engine awakening from its slumber, it's time for the next phase of my horrible plan: running as far away as possible.

Since that moment


"Are you ok?"

"Yeah, buddy. I'm ok."

"You're just sad?"

"Yeah...I'm just sad."

"It's going to be ok, daddy. I love you." Our four year old son says as he embraces me with tiny arms made of wire. He's been having to comfort me like this a lot lately and it breaks my heart a little more each time.

I feel as if I'm failing him and your memory. I pray and go to church like I'm supposed to. I go to work every day and support our child. All day long I stay strong, because I have to. Every night I sleep on the couch, because our bed is too big and it reminds me of what's missing. I also found that every time I slept in it, there was a little bit less or your scent still clinging to the unwashed sheets.

I think I died with you on that day in November. I remember it was the worst storm I'd ever seen and the roads outside were treacherous. Jeremy had a fever and we needed to get him something to take it down. We were still such new parents back then and didn't plan ahead for this, which left us staring out into the storm wondering what to do.

"Listen," I told you, "The drug store is just down the street. I'll go and be right back. It won't take 10 minutes."

"Allen, you've never driven on roads like this. I have. Besides, we don't even know if the store is open. I'm going to go and you're not going to fight me on this." Your eyes narrowed to show me your mind had been made up. Then they softened as you told me, "I'll be right back. I love you." Then you kissed me on the cheek and I never saw you again.

My life stopped when I received the news. It feels like ever since then I've never been able to move passed that moment. It's all as raw and painful as it was back then. I keep watching the driveway expecting your car to pull in or waiting for a phone call which will never come.

I look at Jeremy and he's growing up so fast. He asks about you and I'm able to remember a little bit less each time I tell him. Everything about you is fading away from me except the agony of your absence.

Now, he's holding me. Wishing he could make his daddy smile, take all of my pain away so we can be happy together. But he can't. And for that I am so, so sorry.

For reasons which now escape me


The rain is coming down harder now than when I’d started. I throw the shovel away somewhere to my right before sitting down in the mud and patches of grass. I stare at my blistered hands and watch as the rain cleans them of the dirt, yet remains unable to wash away the guilt and knowledge of the things I’ve done here tonight.

My breath is coming in short, ragged bursts as the night’s exertion finally catches up with me. I briefly contemplate lying on my back and inhaling the water as it fills my mouth. While it would certainly make the events to come easier, I probably shouldn’t make this a habit.

First, there’s something which needs to be addressed. Even if I was smart enough to get away with what I’ve done here tonight, I do not want to. Right now, every second of freedom I have is borrowed at best and I’ve decided to use that time to think of what it is I’m going to tell them when they piece the story together with all the evidence I’ve left behind.

That’s one of the worst things about all this, I think. There is absolutely no legitimate reason for my actions. You never hit me and were nothing but faithful during the year we were together. In truth, you treated me better and loved me more than I ever thought possible. I don’t know…maybe that was the problem.

While watching the freshly filled hole I placed you, the man I loved with everything I had, my mind goes to the dark place. I imagine your hand bursting up through the dirt to grab me and pull me under, or the earth itself opening up to swallow me whole. At least that way we’d be together again.

The last thing you said to me is still raw in my mind. We were having dinner, something I threw together quickly, because it was late and I was too tired from work to make anything extravagant. It was while we were quietly eating next to one another at the bar when you looked at me with those eyes I’ve always loved getting lost within and said, “Maybe we should think about getting a table.” Then, for some reason, I just snapped and …well, I guess you know the rest.

It doesn’t make any sense, I know, and it’s also too late for apologies. I can hear sirens somewhere in the distance and they’re getting closer, so I’d better make this quick. I wanted to love you forever, honest I did, but I was never sure how. Now that I have to live with what’s transpired here tonight, I think I’ll finally be able to.

The sky has finally stopped its weeping, but I’ve only just begun.

Mafioso's Requiem


Just one more job. That's all I have to do before they let my brother go and we can put this whole thing behind us. There are three outcomes that can happen; either I'll be gunned down in the streets, my boss will do me in after I've completed my mission, or I'll actually get the happy ending. Either way, it all ends tonight.

The taste of Natalie and Grey Goose still linger on my lips and I wish I could keep them there forever. I switch the radio to an old jazz station as I take the on-ramp to I-90. The traffic is all but non-existent due to the early morning hour. This is when New Haven always looks the best to me; under a curtain of blackness and abandoned by all the people that make city living so unbearable to begin with. 20 minutes from my destination and I start to get anxious.

Over the last six months I've done some horrible things and not only enjoyed doing them, but profited off them as well. Hijacking a school bus to hold a rival drug lord's kid hostage bought my fancy loft uptown. And that's just one of the things I'm willing to admit to. I'm not even going to tell you what I had to do to pay for the car I'm driving right now.

Little beads of sweat start to fall down my forehead and sting when they land in my eyes. My nerves are completely shot. The soft music is doing nothing to calm me down, so I roll down the window to allow the warm summer breeze to wash away all these ill feelings. 10 minutes away now.

My breathing grows shallow as I take my exit. OK, I can do this. I HAVE done this. All I have to do is kill one man, that's all. It's no big deal.

Christ, listen to me...this used to sicken me. What have I become? With each squeeze of the trigger I've lost more and more of my humanity until I'm left cold, soulless. Will I even be able to go back to a regular life after this?

I pull up across the street of a nightclub that's owned by my target, put the vehicle in park and shut off the engine. Nothing left now but to wait. I could feel the cold steel of the 9.millimeter under my coat and it gave me some relief. After 45 minutes pass he comes out of the club. He's got two bodyguards with him. Alright...let's do this.

I step out of my car and reach into my over coat. I aim for the guard on the left and his brains rain out behind him before they even know I'm coming. My target's eyes go wide and he runs for his car that's been parked out on the street. I hear a slight whistle as a bullet misses my ear by centimeters. A second plugs me in the right shoulder and a third clips my left knee. I go down.

I'm lying in a growing pool of warm blood. The guard is laughing as he walks in my direction. I pick up my gun and scream in pain as I raise it towards him. I aim for a gut shot but I'm a little off. It hits him in the groin, instead. He crashes to the ground and starts crying in the street. This makes me smile. I'll let him live.

I reach into my pocket and pull out a bottle of pills and take three. I automatically feel the effects as I get to my feet. My target is still standing outside of his car. One of his men has the keys. Due to lack of options, he starts to run. I hop in my car and take pursuit. He doesn't get too far, about a block or so, before I'm right behind him. At the last second he dives for the sidewalk and I only clip his legs. I can hear the sound of them shattering over the engine.

I stop the car and I hear the sirens as I step out. I walk over to him, he's already given up trying to crawl away, and kick him onto his back because I've grown fond of being the last thing people see. He starts to beg for his life and I put one between his eyes, cutting off his spiel.

A gasp brings my attention upward. Two hookers are staring at me with their mouths wide open. I feed them each a bullet to make sure this little scene stays our secret forever.

The job finished, I climb back in my car just in time to see 2 cruisers in the rear view mirror. I crank the engine, put it in drive and speed off. In my haste I forget to buckle my seat belt, which will only add to the ever growing list of offenses. My car jerks to the left as one of the cops tries to side swipe me from the driver side. I grab my gun, stick it out the window and unload until it runs dry before replacing it in my coat. In the rear view I can see their windshield explode and the cruiser crashes into a huge display window of a thrift shop.

The one on my right becomes more aggressive and starts to plug holes into my car's frame. I jerk the wheel in his direction and his cruiser gets pushed inches away from the curb. He's looking at me and yelling and if he was paying more attention, he'd have seen the pickup that was parked on the street in front of him. One second he's right beside me and a sound of impact precedes his disappearance.

I crank my neck back and watch in disbelief. I see the two vehicles have become one and I start to laugh. "Oh, my god! Ha ha! I'm gonna make it! I'm gonna..."

.....

I wake up in the street and it hurts to move. I cough into my hand and pull it back to reveal bloody mucous. Four shattered ribs, a collapsed lung, fractured skull and god knows what else. I take the bottle from my pocket and take the last four. I stand up, brush the glass out of my hair and try to piece together what happened.

Apparently, while looking behind me I didn't see the telephone pole. The impact threw me about 25 feet from the windshield. It would have been more had I not smacked that mailbox. I can actually see the indention of my skull where it collided with its side. Cool.

A bright light shines over me and stabs daggers into my eyes. I look up and stare at the helicopter hovering above me. I can't hear the rotors. I've gone deaf. I pull the gun from my coat and run into a nearby alley.

I don't realize it's a dead end until three cop cars have already blocked off my only way out. I eject the empty clip and look up with blurry vision. Ten officers have their weapons drawn and they're shouting words that I'll never get to hear.

I slam my last clip into the gun, look up at them and smile. One way or another...it all ends tonight.

A Transient Affair


I wake up disoriented in a dark room that I don't recognize. I try to assess the surroundings as my eyes adjust to the blackness. I hear quiet breathing coming from a girl lying on the bed next to me. Her blond hair, a stark contrast to the gloom, accentuates her features. God, she's pretty. I wish I could remember her name. I know she told me, but I couldn't hear half of our conversation over the raucous music in the club. I realize that I don't know any of the information that should be established long before you become intimate with another person. Suddenly, all that required knowledge is reduced to nothing more than mere afterthoughts.

I find my mind wondering about her. What's she really like? Is she smart, funny, honest? Does she do this kind of thing all the time? I know that this is my first one night stand, but is it a part of her routine? What's she going to think about all this in the morning? Will she feel cheap and used, or rush me out without even giving me the courtesy of an awkward kiss goodbye? I want to hold her, but I'm not even sure about the rules on that. Christ, when did everything get so complicated?

I glance over to the nightstand that's on my side of the bed and look at the plaque that's resting on the top. It's made out of clay, with two little handprints under the word "Mommy". This girl is somebody's mother. I feel even worse about this whole thing.

I sit up, throw on my jeans and walk out onto her patio hoping that the crisp September air will help to clear my head. It doesn't. The skyline shines brightly like a beacon over all its denizens that are sleeping next to loved ones, strangers, or alone altogether. In my head I try to justify the events that lead me to the now, which only makes me feel worse about it all. Trying to blame it on the alcohol would just cheapen it even more, rob it of the passion that would make it seem somehow more acceptable. I don't know...

Is this what we've all been reduced to? Seeking solace in the arms of strangers just so we can throw them aside in the morning because we're all afraid to get attached? I don't understand how the people that do this every weekend live with themselves. I look back and watch her sleep through the window. I haven't got a clue what the morning will bring to us. Will we see each other again? Will this turn into something meaningful, or will we just try to force it so that we can feel better about it all and save face? I open the sliding glass door and enter the room, knowing that all these questions will be answered in time.

After The Tone...


Late night phone call,

you don't answer so I'll talk to your machine.

I rehearse what I want to say,

the cell shakes in my hand as I wait for the...

(Beep)

Hello, I know,

I haven't talked to you in some time.

And so you know,

things are OK, yeah, I guess I'm doin fine.

Even though it's one sided,

we desperately need to have this conversation.

I've been holding my breath waiting for some closure,

I fear I'll die soon from lack of oxygen.

Were you aware that you're just like me,

with all the secrets you've kept for awhile?

Now I'm ready to tell you the truth about last summer,

and all those dark months I lived in denial.

We never could agree on anything,

sometimes I think we thrived on the conflict.

Half hearted apologies,

could never repair the pain we'd inflict.

You always claimed that you were too damaged,

and didn't see how I could feel the things I felt.

But self deprecation's just another way,

of saying "I hate myself".

I think of all the times I layed in silence,

as I watched the the night bleed into the day.

We were only inches apart,

yet you still felt so far away.

Look...just call me back when you get this,

it's something I think we both need.

Let's get some closure from this,

can we just clear the air so I can breathe?

Right this time

Last night I had,
the most wonderful dream
The two of us,
were cuddled up on the love seat.
My pulse racing,
as my hand finds every curve.
I wanted to,
kiss you but lost my nerve.
Getting lost in,
the biggest eyes I've ever seen.
Memories of,
better times rushing back to me.
A second chance,
in this life is truly rare.
And after all,
this time my feelings are still there.
Then you touched my,
face as your lips met mine.
I swear to you,
I'm gonna get it right this time.

Work in progress


I can feel it building up again,

This smile I wear, my facade, is wearing thin.


I can see them talking,

'cause their eyes say so much more,

than their mouths ever could.

I try giving a little smile,

but they know it isn't real,

so it never does any good.

The second I pass by,

they start in with the,

whispering behind my back.

Is this finally it?

Is today gonna be the day,

that the lunatic snaps?


I can feel it building up again,

This smile I wear, my facade, is wearing thin.

But I don’t feel like sharing,

Cuz I’m sick of caring,

And all these people staring,

Just makes it worse.

Instead of making progress,

lately I feel like,

it's all going in reverse.


You told me that when I’m down,

You don’t like having me around.

Which means there’s no solace to be found.

So, let’s quit wasting time and just burn this to the ground.

Oh, so now I’ve got your attention,

But it’s a little too late for that, now.

Ruined Us


8 months ago,
I was a sinking stone.
Wanted nothing,
more than to leave my home.
Our plans were made,
and we were Houston bound.
30 days later,
they were ashes on the ground.
Chorus:
So what if I,
am still using,
these drugs to cope?
You're one to talk,
bottle in hand,
devoid of hope.
So pass me the blame,
if you must.
But I'm not the one,
that ruined us.
End Chorus:
Then I began,
to fix my broken life.
That's when you moved,
in with another guy.
Please don't hate me,
because I found my way.
Your time will come,
be patient until that day.
Chorus 1x:
I now believe,
things worked out for the best.
We weren't right,
for each other, we failed the test.
No one's at fault,
sometimes these things just do not work.
But if it helps,
you can keep thinking that I'm a jerk.
Chorus 1x:
Fin.