Something Like Happiness

This whole thing began,
with a conversation on a dimly lit screen.
I listened to your thoughts on love,
You goals and everything in between.
The sun is about to rise,
And I’ve not yet been to sleep.
But as I close my eyes I smile,
Knowing you’ll be in my dreams.
Chorus:
I love the sound of my name,
As it passes through your lips.
I start to ache for,
A gentle caress from you fingertips.
Just thinking of you,
Makes my heart beat like thunder.
Even though I don’t know where this’ll lead,
I can’t help but wonder.
End Chorus:
I awake with new feelings,
That’ve yet to be defined.
My thoughts return to you,
So sweet, loving and kind.
As I brave the world outside,
There’s a smile on my face.
I’ve got this new spark inside,
And I ain’t gonna let it go to waste.
Chorus: 1x.
If you’ll just take my hand,
We can leave the past behind.
You can fight off all your demons,
Knowing I’m there by your side.
Right now I’m not gonna worry,
About what might come from this.
All I know is that you make me feel,
Something like happiness.

After The Tone...

Late night phone call,

you don't answer so I'll talk to your machine.

I rehearse what I want to say,

the cell shakes in my hand as I wait for the...

(Beep)

Hello, I know,

I haven't talked to you in some time.

And so you know,

things are OK, yeah, I guess I'm doin fine.

Even though it's one sided,

we desperately need to have this conversation.

I've been holding my breath waiting for some closure,

I fear I'll die soon from lack of oxygen.

Were you aware that you're just like me,

with all the secrets you've kept for awhile?

Now I'm ready to tell you the truth about last summer,

and all those dark months I lived in denial.

We never could agree on anything,

sometimes I think we thrived on the conflict.

Half hearted apologies,

could never repair the pain we'd inflict.

You always claimed that you were too damaged,

and didn't see how I could feel the things I felt.

But self deprecation's just another way,

of saying "I hate myself".

I think of all the times I layed in silence,

as I watched the the night bleed into the day.

We were only inches apart,

yet you still felt so far away.

Look...just call me back when you get this,

it's something I think we both need.

Let's get some closure from this,

can we just clear the air so I can breathe?

Right this time

Last night I had,
the most wonderful dream
The two of us,
were cuddled up on the love seat.
My pulse racing,
as my hand finds every curve.
I wanted to,
kiss you but lost my nerve.
Getting lost in,
the biggest eyes I've ever seen.
Memories of,
better times rushing back to me.
A second chance,
in this life is truly rare.
And after all,
this time my feelings are still there.
Then you touched my,
face as your lips met mine.
I swear to you,
I'm gonna get it right this time.

Work in progress

I can feel it building up again,

This smile I wear, my facade, is wearing thin.

I can see them talking,

'cause their eyes say so much more,

than their mouths ever could.

I try giving a little smile,

but they know it isn't real,

so it never does any good.

The second I pass by,

they start in with the,

whispering behind my back.

Is this finally it?

Is today gonna be the day,

that the lunatic snaps?

I can feel it building up again,

This smile I wear, my facade, is wearing thin.

But I don’t feel like sharing,

Cuz I’m sick of caring,

And all these people staring,

Just makes it worse.

Instead of making progress,

lately I feel like,

it's all going in reverse.

You told me that when I’m down,

You don’t like having me around.

Which means there’s no solace to be found.

So, let’s quit wasting time and just burn this to the ground.

Oh, so now I’ve got your attention,

But it’s a little too late for that, now.

Ruined Us

8 months ago,

I was a sinking stone.

Wanted nothing,

more than to leave my home.

Our plans were made,

and we were Houston bound.

30 days later,

they were ashes on the ground.

Chorus:

So what if I,

am still using,

these drugs to cope?

You're one to talk,

bottle in hand,

devoid of hope.

So pass me the blame,

if you must.

But I'm not the one,

that ruined us.

End Chorus:

Then I began,

to fix my broken life.

That's when you moved,

in with another guy.

Please don't hate me,

because I found my way.

Your time will come,

be patient until that day.

Chorus 1x:

I now believe,

things worked out for the best.

We weren't right,

for each other, we failed the test.

No one's at fault,

sometimes these things just do not work.

But if it helps,

you can keep thinking that I'm a jerk.

Chorus 1x:

Fin.

Nothing Personal

Drunk again and,

when the morning comes,

I don’t wanna remember this night.

The hardest thing,

I’ll ever have to do,

is let go of this fight.

I heard you were OK,

living your life comfortably.

Do you ever look back,

at all the shit you took from me?

Chorus:

Well fuck you for,

lying to me.

I guess I don’t need,

your stability.

I’ve gotta hand it to you,

never been fucked over like this before.

And now I count the days til,

I can settle the score.

End Chorus:

It’s just a wasted night,

spent staring at the ceiling.

Not quite sure what to think,

or even what I’m feeling.

So I lay here,

lost inside my head.

My stomach starts to ache,

from all the bullshit I’ve been fed.

Chorus 1x:

Another night,

spent holding onto you.

I’ll savor every moment,

cuz it’ll be our last.

How the hell did we get here?

Maybe we just moved too fast.

So now you know the pain,

of a broken heart.

Rest assured that I feel the same,

whenever we’re apart.

Chorus 1x: End

Tease

You come over,

you get yours,

you just pass your downtime.

This little voice,

it screams no,

It comes from the back of my mind.

Chorus:

But pull that shit once,

that’s shame on you.

Pull that shit twice,

that’s shame on me.

Pull that shit again,

and we’re fuckin through.

Hey, would ya look at that.

I can be distant too.

End Chorus:

There’s no need for words,

after all that’s not why you’re here.

I try to convince myself,

that there are feelings there.

And that you will be the one,

that finally cares.

Chorus: 1x

You’re quick to embrace,

even quicker to shut out.

And when you’re gone,

I’m overcome with doubt.

Now you wanna leave,

we’ve been through this before.

Save those little excuses,

there’s the fuckin door.

Chorus 1x:

End:

Bi-polar

It all kicks off with a trigger...

No matter how small, it may seem,

So innocuous.

My blood it boils, my heart,

turns into dust.

Like the arrival of a new face, leaving feelings displaced.

Was I trying to replace,

Or simply erase,

The events of this waste that I began in haste?

Because it was all in vain.

So, now my heart is stained,

Head is strained,

But it’s not exactly the pain that’s driving me insane.

So, when did your feelings start to wane?

Only to be swapped with such disdain.

It puts me on the defense,

Which only leaves you on the fence,

Quite unsure what to do next,

Leading us to this current mess.

If it was all just a test,

Then WE failed, but I’m bereft,

Out of breath and completely out of my depth.

Yeah…

So this is what it all comes down to,

me hitting rock bottom and admitting I’m through,

with the promises I couldn’t keep.

That equal the number of nights I stay up and weep,

just tryin to cry myself to sleep.

Only to end up wide awake and drained of tears.

Shadows become manifestations of my fears,

that have hidden inside my closet for many, many years.

Every day's a let down, every night a curse.

And seeing your smile only makes it worse.

Cuz I’m not the one that put it there.

The final irony for which I was unprepared.

You're always finding a way to let me down,

you're so full of shit that your eyes turned brown.

But good things come to those who wait.

While ugliness fills the hearts of the fake.

but my ugliness will fade,

until one day it all but goes away.

And you'll be left with the emptiness,

a toxic reminder of all of this.

And after all that shit you put me through,

I want you to know.

I curse the day that I met you.

So even though,

I'm left here burned,

It's another lesson learned,

the next page turned,

one more day that I have earned.

Words To Live By

This song is for,

Those of you out there,

Who live your lives,

And yet wish for something better.

This goes out to,

All the people out there.

That feel all alone,

Like they don’t matter.

But this is not,

The way the story goes, no.

This is not,

The way the story goes, now.

Chorus1:

In my heart I know,

It’s all gonna be ok.

We have cleared,

Every obstacle in our way.

But you let your fucked up past,

Keep you out of touch.

Just enough to,

Drag yourself down.

End Chorus:

These 20 years passed,

As if they were nothing.

But maybe before you can have it all,

Ya have to lose everything.

Sometimes I miss,

The friends I used to have.

I miss the days,

When I was close to my Dad.

I’d be lying if I said,

Things turned out the way I’d expected.

But this is not,

The way the story goes, no.

This is not,

The way the story goes, now.

Chorus1 1x:

And I’m thankful,

For every person,

That fucked me over.

And all those people,

That showed their true colors.

I wouldn’t trade,

A bit of the pain, cuz

It’s made me stronger.

Chorus2 1x:

In my heart I know,

It’s all gonna be ok.

We have cleared,

Every obstacle in our way.

But your troubled past,

Is not a crutch.

Not a reason to,

Hold yourself down.

End Chorus 2:

It’s not over yet.

It’s not over yet.

It’s not, it’s not,

It’s not too late to start healing.

To start living up to your potential.

You’re so much stronger,

Than people give you credit for.

And it’s not, it’s not,

It’s not over yet.

End:

Home Is Where The Hate Is

I’m layin in the darkness,

When light floods the room.

You enter slowly,

And the fear it consumes.

A smile on your face,

Turns the fear to dread.

You start to laugh,

And lay your hand on my head.

Chorus:

And I know when I was younger,

You went too far.

The pain almost runs as deep,

As all these fucking scars.

And I’m glad I don’t remember,

Those things you used to do.

But I can’t sleep at night,

Cuz all I see is you.

End chorus:

You told me not to worry,

Or to get upset.

Your hand goes all over,

My blankets drip with sweat.

I close my tear filled eyes,

And hope it’s over fast.

And you fucking wonder why,

I blocked out my past?

Chorus 1x:

So you touched me?

I don’t fucking care.

So you hit me?

I don’t fucking care.

So you took advantage?

I DON’T FUCKING CARE!

How could you,

Do this to a child?

I was just a fucking child.

Chorus 1x:

End:

Souls Suffice

The city is on fire tonight.

I watch the flames burn down everything in sight.

As the world takes its last breath,

I wonder how we could have gone so wrong.

It’s a tough pill to swallow when your,

Will to survive stays so strong.

The planes are flying overhead,

And there’s nothing left here to bomb.

I saw my brother die here today,

He wasn’t even three years old.

I held him in my arms,

And felt his limp body grow cold.

There are people burning alive and,

I can’t escape the smell.

After the last 24 hours I,

No longer fear hell.

Guns are all around me but,

I refuse to pick one up.

A soldier’s spirit I do not have,

So I’ll just rely on luck.

With it I make it to the outskirts,

And collapse face first into the dirt.

Isn’t this what you wanted?

Isn’t this what you asked for?

Did you know you’d pay your price?

With not just blood but so much more?

So now that you’ve made this sacrifice.

I gotta know,

Will our souls suffice?

This is not,

The end of the story.

It’s not even,

A return to former glory.

It is what it is,

Sometimes that’s just the way the world works.

So God do you still love us,

Despite our violent quirks?

The Lost Son

Tell me who you think I am,

I’ll correct you if you’re wrong.

Can you handle the things that I have done?

Can you deal with what I’ve become?

I’m goin to that place again.

Where light and hope are absent,

And darkness all consuming.

Get ready for the breakdown...

Chorus:

And then I FALL!

Into the abyss again.

Swimming in the waters,

Of impurity and sin.

I can’t seem to get my soul clean.

Wonderin what these images,

Running through my head are s'posed to mean.

God if you’re listening,

could you please help me?

End Chorus:

Stressed, depressed,

goddamn I’m such a mess.

Everyday’s a fight,

just to stay strong.

A never ending struggle,

just to hold on.

Chorus 1x:

This smile I wear,

is just for show.

Behind it lies,

a pain I pray you’ll never know.

I try so hard,

to keep it all inside.

I am the lost son,

who romanticizes...suicide.

Chorus 1x:

End:

The Last Song

As I look back,

at the life I’ve left-behind.

A year ago,

Our fingers were intertwined.

You used to look at me,

With love in your eyes.

Now I watch the life I led,

As it withers and dies.

Hopefully I’m movin onto,

bigger and better things.

And when I come back,

you won’t even recognize me.

Chorus 1:

But I believe it’s gotta get worse,

before it gets better.

There’s gotta be a rainstorm,

before the sunny weather.

I’ve grown up,

seen the error of my ways.

I’ve moved on,

while mourning the loss of the good ol’ days.

But there’s no point,

Stressing over things,

that you can’t change.

End Chorus 1:

I gained a scar,

for every lesson I have learned.

A trail of black smoke,

emits from all the bridges I have burned.

I'm on a bus headin,

For the east coast.

When I arrive I’ll raise my glass,

To those I’ll miss the most.

But any chance of a decent future,

Is fadin fast.

Unless of course I can,

Finally bid farewell to my past.

Chorus 1x:

I walk alone now,

got nowhere to call my home now.

If given the chance would I,

have thrown this all away?

Cuz I’m lost,

and I’m confused.

I’ve been emotionally abused,

and I will fight this to the death,

because I’ve got nothing left to lose.

So this is gonna be,

the last song,

I’ll ever write about you.

Just keep me in your prayers,

cuz mine don’t seem to be getting through,

getting through.

End.

Deja Vu

All the times you helped me up,

just to fall down a peg or two.

We take the blows we’re dealt,

praying just to make it through.

Now we lay in the field,

under a blanket made of stars.

The fight it left us wounded,

with a whole lifetime full of scars.

Dreading the arrival of...

Chorus:

Another day

another dollar,

I’ll have to borrow,

from my parents,

aunt and friends.

And it’ hard,

to look them in the eyes.

I feel weak,

and just a little bit despised.

End Chorus:

I’ve got my family,

to fall back on.

And they’ll be there long,

after you have gone

So just live your life,

do what you’ve got to do.

Soon I’ll be a stranger,

nothing more than Deja Vu.

Chorus 1x

The new day comes with burdens,

sometimes I stumble from the weight.

And I will nearly beat myself to death,

with the memories of past mistakes.

Just know that I’ll make it through,

and that I’ll be all right.

Even if you aren’t around,

I’ll never give up the fight.

Chorus 1x:

End song:

L.N.S.D

Every now and then,

I long for the times when,

we’d smoke cigarettes,

on those late night summer drives.

The carefree days of our youth seem,

like a lifetime ago.

Now we’re left with the remnants,

and we’re haunted by the ghosts.

Chorus:

And it’s ok-yeah, yeah.

Confront the demons then move on.

Let the past be the past.

Never dwell on mistakes,

life’s too short for regrets.

End Chorus:

The warm summer air,

is a welcome change from,

winter’s cold and bitter breeze.

So roll down the windows,

and blare the music.

This feeling is elation,

we struggle not to loose it.

Chorus: 1x

I engulf myself with,

the happiness I’m feeling.

More often then not,

this sensation is fleeting.

And all I’m left with,

the reopening of the wounds,

I’d thought had long since been healed.

Chorus: 1x

End

Wasn’t All it’s Cracked Up to Be

I’m sick and tired of,

all of the guilt trips.

Sick and tired of,

feeling so inadequate. And,

Don’t wanna feel bad for,

mistakes I’ve made in the past.

It makes me so sad,

knowing …

that we might not last.

But you don’t look at me,

The way you used to.

I just wish you could’ve seen

All the shit you put me through.

Chorus:

I’m sorry I,

wasn’t

there when it counted.

And I’m sorry I,

always seem to let you down and...

I can’t believe,

that I’ve shaken your faith in me.

I guess this love thing,

wasn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

End Chorus:

Whenever things got tough for us,

We’d just cut and run.

I’d withdraw inside myself,

You’d hit the bars for a little fun.

Yet I still can’t help but think,

that we were meant to be.

Always doubting us,

Due to insecurities.

So will you please look at me,

the way that you used to?

Coz now I see,

I’ve never been more in love with you.

Chorus: 1x

So can we,

Give us a few more tries?

Only this time around,

There will be no more pain, no more tears and no more lies.

Chorus: 1x

and I guess this love thing,

was everything,

it’s cracked up to be.

End.

An Angel and the Fallen

Your wings.

Your wings are gold and shining,

mine are broken and black.

I whisper that I love you.

You smile and say it back.

After that no more words are spoken.

Only with the occasional moan,

is the silence broken.

Every time I see you,

a little more I fall.

Our time is almost over,

and so I try to stall.

Let’s just listen to one more song.

Just one more song...

It’s never been like this before.

We lay in each other’s arms,

both secretly wanting more.

Then it happens.

Breathing gets heavy,

as hearts beat faster.

Then as we move they,

well they beat together.

The world melts away,

as we gain momentum.

We’ve dreamed of this perfect moment,

that we become one...

The feeling of bein alone,

slowly withers and dies.

The star’s sparkle has been stolen,

and been placed inside your eyes.

I look into them,

and get lost in the greenish blue.

I wish I wasn’t tainted,

that I’d saved myself for you.

You’re not just another girl to me,

and this isn’t just another mistake.

Nothing in these feelings I have for you,

are even close to fake.

So if you give me your heart,

I’ll give you my all.

And revel in the love expressed,

between an angel and the fallen.

Meaningless

Don’t say that you’ll call,

when you know you’re not going to.

You can’t count on me if,

I can’t count on you.

And I can’t pretend I’m fine,

when I’m bleedin on the inside.

Chorus:

Now, it’s not that I don’t care,

no wait that’s a lie,

I couldn’t care less.

Cuz I’m tired,

of your excuses,

they’re all meaningless.

End Chorus:

Me: I’m masochistic,

you: a cautious optimistic.

But I don’t see,

through your rose colored glasses.

It would seem,

that my optimism has had it.

Chorus 1x:

Is love dead?

Everyone of us too fucked up?

All that’s left,

one night stands, and broken trust.

And we can’t pretend we’re fine,

when we’re bleedin on the inside.

End Chorus:

Taste Him

You looked so beautiful,

in your Galaga t-shirt.

Talks about our pasts,

and how he treated you like dirt.

He’s always on the,

tip of your tongue.

It gets to the point that,

I can taste him while I’m kissing you.

Chorus:

Am I the one you think about,

when we do the dirty things we do?

When it’s late at night,

is it me you want on top of you?

Or am I just a pawn,

in this twisted little game?

Do you bite down on your lip,

just to keep from screaming out his name?

End Chorus:

The burnt out conversations,

don’t add up to much.

I just wish it was as easy,

to dismiss your touch.

There’s something,

terribly wrong with me.

It eats away,

bittersweet jealousy.

Chorus: 1x

My head is sick,

my heart is twisted now.

My soul much more fragile,

than you could ever know.

I don’t care what happens when,

you’re alone with him behind closed doors.

If that’s what you want,

then you’ve nothing to be sorry for.

But as for me,

I’ll just smoke some weed.

And then hopefully rub one out,

before I go to sleep.

Mourning

Watch as I,

ignore the truth like you did and,

watch as I,

hide the pain deep away inside.

Just like you.

Why do I,

separate myself away from others?

So far that not even,

those closest to me can comfort.

Not gonna watch myself,

fuck up anymore.

Chorus:

And I’ll wake up,

in the mourning.

Not quite sure if we,

were a dream or not.

The rain is pouring,

but it doesn’t bring,

the relief I’ve sought.

Were the days you spent with me,

actually reality?

End Chorus:

Now it’s over,

and I don’t think it’s fair.

How you get off free,

and then you point the blame,

and a finger at me.

I can’t ask you to take me back.

So just take me here on your bedroom floor,

like you did a month ago.

To this day it remains,

the best I’ve ever had.

Chorus 1x:

Now we lay entwined,

in a soft embrace.

The blue light shines,

off your pretty face.

I wish I could be happy,

and make up for lost time.

I’ll give you back your heart,

but please keep mine.

It liked you better anyway.